The Secret to Designing a Life that Actually Fits You
Hint: It has nothing to do with getting it "right" and everything to do with this...
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I remember lying down on the exam table while I excitedly (almost manic) told my OBGYN of the future plans that I and my now-Husband were attempting to pull off together as a couple mad in our love for each other...
“We’re going to sign the Lease together this week, and I already have furniture from before, and it’ll be his first time living with a woman outside of his parents’ house, and the cats are going to have a blast with all of the extra space, and, and, AND...
The Doctor patiently waited and listened to the full euphoric dialogue sustained by my pressured speech. She politely smiled at me in a warm way, as if very pleased, and replied, “Why, it sounds to me like you’re... building a life.“
And I absolutely WAS doing so right then, still fresh in my early twenties... My ideal constantly played and re-played itself out in my mind all day while I would adaptively daydream myself away from any looming troubles. I was well-protected by a heavy shield of all wonderful possibilities and hope.
...SO, what happened to all of that?..
Where did the good-feeling anticipation of my biggest dreams delivered run off to? Or perhaps like some scientific law, it might not have just disappeared... but actually been conserved, and only altered in its form? Then I’d be able to rely on an equation or some formula to sum up the solution to this for me.
Truly, I can confirm that the dreams I once had for my life on that exam table (and elsewhere) have not all ended... I know so because of the very simplest fact that I can ever prove to anyone. It’s only because my life is NOT over yet that I am able to place one hopeful foot in front of the other to greet the reality that meets me.
Yes, I can admit that the appearance of the life that I now live holds very little resemblance to the perfect visions that would play out in the daydream states of my younger years. I’ve since been shaped by a trillion brute and beautiful touches. But each new day brings with it all the opportunity there is for real magick to be worked for me, by me.
You can only come to the table and use the cards that you’re dealt... But when you, for possibly the first time, see yourself as playing a game just like all the rest of us, ease and flow can then enter in.
Suddenly, you can smile again and enjoy the moment for what it is. And you can hope for a better hand during the next round that plays. Really read your cards for the messages that they hold inside for only you and only at this time. They have faces like you and I do afterall.
This is such a beautiful game to play when you learn the secret that no one can actually be a Winner! This might not be the lesson you were looking to learn.
Designing a life that looks like you and that fits around all of your edges just right is an artistic and a creative venture to enjoy, not get right. There’s no trick involved in the pursuit of what naturally pleases you, although it will at times feel like real magick. My best and last point of guidance to you is to never let yourself cease to daydream. This is the substance of the most important building material you will need in designing the masterful work that is your life.
Many Thanks,
Your Life Design Prompt:
Right now, feel free to give yourself permission to daydream again—but with a twist… Instead of ruminating over a different ideal life, daydream about the real life you currently have, right where you are:
What is a small, tangible thing that you could add, modify, or remove that would make your current reality feel more deeply yours?..
Maybe it’s finally hanging that art piece you’ve been meaning to frame for ages. Maybe it’s saying ‘No’ to something that’s found its way onto your calendar that drains you. Maybe it’s texting someone special that you’ve been meaning to reach out to for some reason.
And know this: You are not starting over. You are not behind. You’re in a heady state of mid-build, and the scaffolding is still up... And that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Keep daydreaming. Keep building. The magick is in the doing, not the done.
I have now built the space I SO desperately needed at my lowest points, and it’s for moms and female caregivers of neurodivergent special needs children to experience an authentically joyful life of their own in a life-giving, nourishing environment.
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