The Real Reason You’re Not Feeling Joyful Yet (And How to Change That)
Real joy is possible — here’s how I plan for it, protect it, and practice it daily
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You can finally make joy a priority in your life when you reframe joy as a goal to be achieved rather than just another desire or wish of yours. And you can make it a goal because:
Real joy is certainly possible to attain. You know this is true because…
You’ve witnessed other women owning it for themselves…
And just like with any goal, there are steps you can take to get there when you get out of your own way.
Deep deep down, maybe in the darker recesses of your consciousness, you recognize that joy is actually your natural birthright, even if you’ve been starved of it for perhaps decades like myself.
But when we make our desire possible in our minds first, despite the reality of the circumstances that we have to face, we can then begin to remove those extra mental blocks that have remained as unchecked strongholds in our thoughts for so long. What’s left afterwards is our measure of accountability to the particular steps that we must take in order to reach our goal of joy.
Maybe I’m so passionate about the topic of authentic and true happiness because I’ve just recently been re-introduced to it in my own life. Or, maybe it’s because the first syllable of my only sister’s name is Joy (and she’s either been secretly lobotomized or is truly the happiest woman I know).
In either case, I have seen the irrefutable evidence of an unrestrained measure of this joy gracing the lives of many different types of women you’ll see in our world today. And while I admittedly don’t know all of their individual stories myself, I know that what’s possible for them is also possible for me, even if my path there will (more-than-likely) have to look a bit different.
But thankfully, the concept of a goal is Universal: There is our desire/the goal itself first, and then there are the steps along the path to get there, and then finally there are the smaller micro-actions comprising each step that make the whole effort possible to perform.
Add to that our accountability, consistency, and the repetition involved with creating a real practice out of this joy work, and you get the compounded effects similar to that of the strength training and conditioning of a visceral muscle. The idea is the same across mediums. The results will also be the same.
✨ Are you inspired by your own potential yet? Because that’s where I want to leave you today: sitting right in the middle of your own possibility…
I’d rather that than have you wondering if joy is even meant for someone like you… or debating whether or not it is allowed in your life… or postponing joy until your life is in a calmer state, because none of that will do you any good ultimately. I’d prefer to leave you questioning: What if joy could be one of your most intentional achievement this year?
What if you vowed to train for joy like you would for a marathon race? And what if you tracked your moments of joy like you do with your child’s specialist doctor appointments and IEP meetings? What if you made joy in your life actually worthy of your structure and strategy, instead of only dreaming that it magically shows up for you one day when the planets align just right?
Well, here is what that could look like in a real life (even the life of an autism mom):
I plan for joy. I literally schedule joy into my weekly planner. I add events like getting coffee and taking leisurely trips to my favorite boutique (alone and with extra cash-on-hand!) inside of my calendar. I reserve my early mornings for experiencing slow-ness and puttering around my home and front garden. I create reminders in my phone to randomly tell me wonderful things such as, Do something that makes you smile big on today.
I protect joy. I safeguard my joy and defend it like I would with either of my children. It’s just as big of a priority to me... Setting boundaries is showing love to myself. Saying No to something is expressing my power. Guarding my energy and its fluctuating cycles is sacred work to me.
I practice joy. I very intentionally make the small, happy moments in life count to their fullest capacity. These are simple little things in my daily life, like feeling the sunshine on my face while I load my kids into their car seats, slowly crooning a Frank Sinatra song to myself in the kitchen, texting a friend the funniest meme that I’ve seen lately. Joy only compounds when we take the time to notice it.
I RE-define joy. My type of joy is not required to resemble anyone else’s version... Joy for me right now isn’t luxury vacations or an entire day out at the spa (although, yes Universe, please send those to me too). My joy more looks like the slowness of admiring my blooming rose bush in the morning. And like softness. Or like feeling like me again, if only in 10-minute pockets of time.
And the beautiful thing about this lovely picture that I’m painting is that all of these things are achievable. They’re do-able. Available to you on today instead of someday, or when your kids are older, or when life gets easier for you. These types of things are here right now, in this season of your life. Especially in this season of your life.
Because when you make joy a real goal of yours you don’t just sit idly by and wait for it to approach you passively. You, instead, use opportunities to take inspired and aligned action and become an active participant in your own life again. You don’t just settle for being the manager of everyone else’s life.
So here’s your gentle (but firm) invitation from me:
→ What does your goal of joy look like right now?
→ What’s one small thing you could do today to train your joy muscle?
→ And how can you make sure that this precious goal of yours stays alive, even in all the wildness of your reality?
Joy is a goal that’s worth every effort you’ve got. And the best part about it is that you get to become someone delightfully new (yet very familiar) on your way there.
My happiest regards to you,
Cheniece ♡
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