Beyond Caregiving: How to Design a Life That Actually Feels Like Yours
Micro-actions that create massive shifts in your self-perception
🪄 Radically alchemizing motherhood reshaped by autism into a lifestyle I love — without settling. Expressions of authentic self-discovery & personal growth along this grounded venture beyond caregiving. About
If no one asked me about how I felt or what I wanted in life, I wouldn’t readily know the answers to those two questions for myself. In reality, no one has actually asked me those questions recently, and so I don’t know how to begin learning these things about myself.
What do I truly want?.. Not what’s practical. Not what others expect. Not what I think I should want. But what does my soul genuinely crave?
I asked myself these questions. The silence that followed was deafening. I realized I had become so fluent in speaking "autism mom" that I'd forgotten my native language – the one where I express my own desires.
Along the way, being a mother, especially to a child with autism, has erased the space in our lives that had room enough to hold our identities. Our need to have knowledge of ourselves has become good and buried underneath the needs of our children, our schedules, and responsibilities.
But our desires and dreams still do matter, even when we pretend that they don’t exists anymore. Try as we might, we’ll never forget the fact that we once had a vision for our lives, and this vision can still be valid if we allow it the opportunity to be.
The following guided journaling exercise is designed to help you connect with what you want in life again, and even to take those initial steps to come into alignment with that in order to begin designing a life that feels fulfilling, and is truly yours. Because the woman you were before exceptional caregiving hasn't disappeared. She's waiting for you to draw near.
The Exercise: Excavating Your Authentic Desires
Set the scene: Find 20 uninterrupted minutes. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb. Light a candle if you can. This is sacred work.
Part 1: Envisioning Your Aligned Life
Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths. Then open your journal and respond to:
If tomorrow morning you woke up to a life that felt wholly yours, what would that day include? Write it out hour by hour. Don't edit yourself. Don't consider logistics. Just dream on paper.
What feelings do you miss most in your daily life? Circle the three that resonate most deeply:
Peace
Freedom
Curiosity
Accomplishment
Joy
Connection
Adventure
Rest
Creativity
(Add your own)
Complete this sentence: The thing I hunger for most, that has nothing to do with my child's needs, is ___________________.
Part 2: Identifying Your Barriers
Now let's look at what stands between you and that life:
What story do you tell yourself about why you can't have what you want? Write it out—the whole narrative. Then read it aloud and ask: "Is this absolutely true?"
What practical challenges exist? List them without judgment. Time constraints? Financial limitations? Lack of support? Name them clearly.
If your closest friend shared these exact same barriers with you, what wisdom would you offer her? Write a short letter of advice.
Part 3: Designing Your First Step
What's one micro-action you could take this week—something requiring 15 minutes or less—that would move you toward your envisioned life? Be specific about when and how you'll do it.
What's one thing you'll release this week (a should, a guilt, an expectation) to create space for what you truly want?
If fear wasn't a factor and guilt didn't exist, what bold move would you make toward your authentic life? Let yourself write without censoring.
Final Reflection
As I say in my podcast, you’re more than just Mom, a caregiver, or someone who only exists to fulfill the needs of someone else. You’re a whole person with dreams and desires. Your life is not on pause while you raise an exceptional child. It's happening right now, and you deserve to design it with intention.
Before you close your journal, circle one word on these pages that feels most alive to you right now. This is your anchor word for the week—a reminder that your desires matter.
What one thing will you commit to this week? Share it in the comments if you feel called to. This community holds space for your becoming. Your life belongs to you, after all. Take the first step.
With belief in your unfolding,
Cheniece ♡
UnCommon Design is a reader-supported publication exploring identity, joy, and personal growth through honest storytelling. Subscribe to receive weekly essays in your inbox and join a community where your whole story belongs
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This is another one that struck a chord with me, as this has been on my mind for a number of years. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for the activity you included.